cjmarlowe

I was just reading through my yuletide posts from previous years and realised I have seriously been sick every Christmas since I moved back home. I know my immune system is a bit trashed from being around all this stuff I'm allergic to all the time again, but seriously. I could have copied and pasted from the opening paragraphs of previous years' yuletide recs posts: sick, sleeping, lying in bed reading.

I've committed myself to being here in this job for a little bit longer, but after that I think I need to go back to an urban area even just for my physical and mental health. I'd very happily move back to Toronto (or Winnipeg), but, you know, if anyone has any other suggestions, I'm currently very open. :)

This entry was originally posted at http://cj.dreamwidth.org/24195.html.

This is how I know I'm finally used to being back in Manitoba again: I took the dogs for a walk this morning (I worked Saturday so I took this morning off) and it was so beautiful and warm outside I was thinking that I really should have put a lighter spring coat on and wasn't it lovely to have such good weather again? And when I got back in the house my stepdad pointed out to me that actually, it was still -13 out there.

Spent the evening dashing from work to home to work to rehearsal to work to home again, so I'm just now finally heating myself up some dinner and settling in. I think I cajoled someone into taking a workshop this weekend which brings me up to the minimum number of students we need to run so I don't have to cancel it, so that perked my mood up a little just when I'd started to flag. I've never been much of a salesperson, and given the choice I'd spend my workdays with my headphones on and never talking to anyone while I tapped at a computer, but it turns out I'm capable under the right circumstances and with the right motivation.

Now to get this summer's big project under control, which we're already playing catch-up with...

This entry was originally posted at http://cj.dreamwidth.org/8505.html.

I keep meaning to update but there never seem to be enough hours in the day. I knew I was going to have a lot going on very abruptly after Christmas holiday, but I didn't quite expect it to be this.

I know I'm actually really good at my job, but it's not something that's ever going to make me happy so, long term, I'm going to have to do something about that. But it's...complicated, on more than one level. The problem is that I'm not social and I don't enjoy dealing with people, and despite being in a creative field the job itself has not proven to be particularly creative in any way (other than a surprising amount of graphic design, which is not my area). Believe me, after the amount of time I spent virtually unemployed after my department was laid off (I was making some money writing, but it was not paying the bills), I feel like the world's biggest asshole complaining about a great job. But it's not the job, it's me. And the pay. But mostly it's that, despite being good at it, I'm not particularly compatible with it. There's a whole lot of guilt tied up in this too, for reasons that would take an entry much longer than this one to explain.

That's not actually what I intended to go on about when I started updating.

I started taking one of the classes that we offer (one of the aspects of my job is booking and running all of the arts classes), which is being taught by my old piano teacher from high school, who is also a composer. It's just basic music appreciation, really, but it's nice. I go out once a week and listen to classical music and talk about it with other people who also like that sort of thing. I am by far the youngest person in the class, but it doesn't matter. It's all really very cool. You know, if you like that kind of thing.

I'm also stage managing the spring production for the local amateur theatre group, which is something I haven't done in about eight years. It's not something you forget how to do, but I think I forgot just how much of my time it was going to demand, even for a small production like this. I actually have to leave for rehearsal in about half an hour, and I don't quite have my shit together but it's only the second rehearsal so it's not going to be super demanding. I hope.

It feels good to be doing things again, but that's three nights of my week right there, starting all at once, and that's without factoring work in. They've been trying to get me to take some time off and use up some of my banked hours, but how do I even do that when I'm still accumulating overtime? I'm hoping things will slow down soon, except things slowing down means the organization (a non-profit) might not be bringing in enough money to keep functioning and...that would be bad.

Oh my god, this all seems so whiny I almost don't want to post it. I really only meant to update with "this is what I'm doing right now!"

When I moved this summer I lost my Sherlock writing mojo, but it finally seems to have come back full force so maybe I'll actually finish my John/Lestrade epic some time in the near future. That is, if Reichenbach doesn't destroy me. I'm not ready! /o\

This entry was originally posted at http://cj.dreamwidth.org/8161.html.

Every time I take a walk around town I think that what I really need to do is take some pictures of my town and post them to my journal (under a cut, I promise), both the things that are very new and the things that have remained unchanged for decades. And the things that almost define small town living when you see them.

Tomorrow's likely to be a slow day at work, now that we've got the office organized, and then I'm really hoping to just have the weekend to myself with no obligations whatsoever. I thought about going into Winnipeg, both to see Harry Potter--which otherwise I won't see (outside of bootlegs) for at least a month--or to catch a couple of shows at the Fringe festival, but honestly the idea of driving into the city just seems exhausting right now. I need a couple of days away from people to recharge. You'd think that being out on the farm means a lot of time spent away from people, but...less than you'd think.

Then next week is going to be a little crazy leading up to the Lily Festival. Which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. They're putting the parade judges right in front of our building because we have some huge shady trees (not that the whole town doesn't have huge shady trees, but we have conveniently placed ones), which means a little more work for us but should also drive some traffice through our doors which is good. Me and our summer student threw together some last minute activities for Lily Fest Weekend and put an ad in the paper so I'll be there right through the weekend. It's fun, but it's a buttload of work for the two of us (and any volunteers I can wrangle at the last minute).

Mum gave me the car to take home because she and my stepdad wanted to stay in town for a while (they've got the gigantic, beat-up and unreliable van, aka the Beast) and then they're coming home with Chinese food. Because I may not be able to get a pizza delivered in my little prairie town but I can damn well get take-out Chinese.

Annnnnd, someone's coming up the driveway. Catch ya later.

I'm honestly not sure when the last time we ate dinner indoors was. These are how my days go: we get home from work, grab a drink, change and get into the pool to cool off, my stepdad throws something on the barbecue, we cook up some asparagus that the neighbours brought over from their garden, grab another drink, and eat out on the patio (that used to be the driveway into the garage that was converted into a den). Then someone just drops by and we end up drinking till the sun goes down or, if I'm lucky, I head into my bedroom to get a little internet time in before I fall asleep at the keyboard. This level of socialisation is killing me. Need alone time!

Today the peach wine my stepdad was making in the basement was ready so my mum siphoned off half a bottle (actually a 40 because they get them free from the Legion; there are dozens of them down there for bottling wine) for us to drink with dinner. Next off is the apple and I think we're starting the pear tomorrow so it'll be ready in a month or so. And the latest batch of home brew's ready but not bottled yet so mum's got a measuring cup half full of it in the beer fridge alongside the mix.

Some days I really don't know how this is my life.

Yesterday during my lunch break I decided to actually take a break and walk down to Riverbend Park, which had been largely inaccessible for the past couple of months due to flooding. I spent a lot of time there both as a kid and as a teenager, so it was weird seeing how different it is now. A lot of the landmarks are gone, and the campground, which I have such incredible memories of, is now all gravel and stalls demarked with lilac hedges and rows of campers. It actually almost made me cry.

There used to be a swingset that I would sit on and dream of what I was going to do when I finally got out of that town, all of the things that would suddenly be possible. Not only is the swingset gone, but I walked past the general area where it had been and I couldn't even quite place where exactly it had stood. It was okay though, because I realised that all those things that I dreamed about doing? I did most of them. Okay, I didn't get famous, but the rest, the reasonable ones, the coming out and falling in love and living in the city and becoming a writer and being an activist and having amazing friends and becoming a person I really like--I did all of that. I'm still doing it now.

It's okay that things change. It just takes a little getting used to.

When I moved this month, it was before Toronto Pride, but after Winnipeg Pride, so the end result is that for the first time in sixteen years I won't be attending a Pride celebration anywhere. D: That actually does make me really sad, as I was hoping to get into Winnipeg for it and reconnect with old friends and sort of get into the community again now that I'm here. But they hold it so early!

So I've been wearing some rainbow jewelry to work. It's a little thing, but it makes me feel happier and just a little more gay.

Tonight after work I'm finally going to have to go to meat draw (which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like it is) because I'm selling tickets for the barbecue afterwards. It's not that I mind going, but I've been working OT every day since starting, so mostly when I get off work I just want to not do more work.

It's hard to believe that just over two weeks ago I was still in Toronto/Oakville, and a month ago I wasn't even dreaming of moving back here. I've been at this job over a week now and I'm already getting roped into helping at community events. Well, mostly by my mother, though.

Who I will likely be living with longer than expected. She told me when I started the move that housing was short in my hometown these days, but I think she understated the case. The town's seen a population increase of 25% in three years, and still rapidly increasing, which is HUGE, especially for a town that started at about 3200 people with a rapidly aging population. Infrastructure hasn't been able to keep up. I felt a little weird about moving home for a while at my age, even though it was the most reasonable thing to do given the time frame involved, but now I just feel lucky I actually have a place to live.

So, I'm here. Actually, I've been here since Thursday evening, which means I did 1500 miles in two days. I'm pretty sure I have a lot to talk about, but I hardly even know where to start with it. I'm living in my hometown for the first time in well over ten years--and living on a rural acreage for the first time in over twenty--and there are so many things that have changed, but also so many things that are exactly the same.

Today is the first day I'm really sitting down and not flitting off to unpack more or visit family or go to meetings or do a dozen other things, so I'm trying to catch up with anything I've missed over the past week or two. If you need me anywhere, please do let me know because I might have let things (especially TR things) slip through the cracks while I was moving.

So yay! I have a place to sleep and I start the new job on Thursday.

And now that I've found the blender in the basement and washed the spiders out, I think I'd like a smoothie.

So here's what's happening. Last week, out of the blue, I was offered a job as Director of Programming for the local Cultural Centre. And by local I mean back in my little hometown. In western Manitoba.

And I decided to take it.

It's been a bit of back and forth as they sorted out the details and did their due diligence on me, which is part of the reason I haven't said anything till now, but I just heard that everything's a done deal now and they'd like me to start on the 13th, if I can.

Which means that by this time next week I need to be packed into a moving truck and driving westwards, almost seven years after I packed up and moved out to Toronto in the first place.

As you can imagine, I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. I am incredibly excited about this job, because it's a fantastic opportunity, and it's going to be great to be so close to my family again. (Not to mention bohemian__storm!) But it also means leaving a city I love and the friends I've made here, and moving in with my mother at least for the summer. (Partly to offset moving expenses and partly because rental accommodations are harder to come by in small towns.) And it's all happening very fast, which is stressing me out a little.

So bear with me for the next couple of weeks. I'm probably not going to be around much and when I am I'm going to be a little frazzled. It's a big life change, and not one I saw coming, but I think maybe it could be great.